Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Unfrozen Caveman Blogger

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes I read a story like this
Tribal chiefs in Iraq's western Anbar province and in an area near the northern city of Kirkuk, two regions teeming with insurgents, are vowing to strike back at al-Qaeda in Iraq, a Sunni Arab-led group that is waging war against Sunni tribal leaders who are cooperating with the Iraqi government and the U.S. military. Anbar tribes have formed a militia that has killed 20 insurgents from al-Qaeda in Iraq, leaders said.

Separately, more than 300 tribal chiefs, politicians, clerics, security officials and other community leaders met last week in Hawijah, about 35 miles southwest of Kirkuk, and "declared war" on al-Qaeda in Iraq. In a communique, the participants vowed "the shedding of blood" of anyone involved in "sabotage, killings, kidnappings, targeting police and army, attacking the oil and gas pipelines and their transporters, assassinating the religious and tribal figures, technicians, and doctors."
And I think, Could this reporter not understand that tribal warfare is what my people used to do, when we lived in caves and ate bugs? Isn't there, I don't know, some kind of a centrally organized group of armed individuals that could be used to stop these bad people? Does he think the tribal warfare will stop with foreigners?

This thought frightened and confused me. Then I used your time's frightening gu-gul device to talk to the demons inside of it. The demons told me that there was no such loyal fighting group in Iraq, that this is Hobbesian civil war, where all sides fight all sides, and no one's safety is assured. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it sure sounded bad. I wanted to run into the hills, or something.

Then other demons inside the box told me that there was no civil war, that Iraq is a raging success, and that Bush is a genius for all time. I didn't know who this Bush person was. Then I saw a picture of him: Hey, Bush is my cousin!


He must have been unfrozen, too. Man, what are the odds? We've got to catch up.

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