Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Wherein I try to be mutually offensive to everyone

Santa Claus - Doesn't exist. Cruel hoax to kids.

Easter Bunny - Doesn't exist. Cruel hoax to kids.

Zeus - Didn't exist. Cruel hoax to ancient Greeks.

Jove - Didn't exist. Cruel hoax to ancient Romans.

Aphrodite - Didn't exist. Cruel hoax, but it is nice to blame a deity when you have a raging erection, or after you jumped the bones of someone you met at a bar.

Chaac - Didn't exist. Cruel hoax to ancient Maya, whose life-giving rain would come heedless of their sacrifices.

Quetzalcoatl - May have existed. Not God. Cruel hoax to ancient Aztecs.

Buddha - Did exist. Not deity. Founded influential school of psychology that is practiced as a religion.

Yahweh - Did not exist. Cruel hoax to Jews. Doesn't care if you spell his name out or not.

Jesus - Did exist. Not God. Romans nailed him up just like anyone else who annoyed them. Cruel hoax to Christians.

Mohammed - Did exist. Not prophet. Not a bad king, though. Cruel hoax to Muslims.

Ali (cousin of Mohammed) - Did exist. Killed instead of becoming 5th caliphate, which is admittedly harsh. Cruel hoax to Shia, who should really concentrate on events of the last twelve centuries.

Thor, Odin, et al. - Didn't exist, but man, what a great set of stories.

Trickster (Loki, Coyote, Br'er Rabbit) - Does exist -- as a parable showing an essential part of humanity. As real as any character in Aesop's fables.

Angel Moroni - Did not exist. Cruel hoax to Mormons, but a name that the rest of us can chuckle over.

Harvey (Pooka) - Didn't exist. Sweet story, highly recommended.


Your invisible friends? They don't exist, even though they're sometimes part of great stories.

You know this, just like you know that Zeus and the Easter Bunny do not exist. It's just us people down here. Let's love each other as much as we can.


Anonymous wrd said...

You left out the Scientologists...

Thursday, 04 January, 2007  
Blogger travis said...

great googly moogly. you are right.

Friday, 05 January, 2007  

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